October 20, 2013
Somehow I have ended up a Pollyanna of sorts in a Rambo kind of world. The contrast certainly has presented me with endless challenges and pitfalls and I see now, finally, that life is not a rose covered path in a garden of life but more comparable to the challenges in WIPEOUT. If you have not seen this television show, those of you far more intelligent with your time than I am, I encourage you to look up WIPEOUT on youtube. I watched an episode of it Friday afternoon. In fact, if I am not mistaken, it was a marathon of episodes of WIPEOUT. I am forever in awe of those whose faith is so rock solid that they never waiver far from the church doors and express their total excitement and joy in their next opportunity to be with their fellow Christians. My goal in this faith walk is to return to that place where I once was, also.
I do remember, when I push back the cobwebs in my memories, a time when my former husband and I were up with an infant and toddler and off to church every Sunday for the trifecta of Sunday School teaching, worshipping in church and staying for the covered dish dinner. We served not only in the Sunday School but also on church councils and loved meeting in family or home meetings where we shared a meal and our concerns and love for each other as a support in our efforts to live Christian lives. But somewhere through time that devotion ended in a train wreck and we "lost interest" and "found fault" and "drifted away" from the church and the lives we loved. We became, over time, independent and self-confident and busy with life.
While those I admire who have been faithful their entire lives as if they followed a clear and simple path, I on the otherhand was on a merry go round of faith which entailed in the door and out the door. I am still coming to grips with the whys and hows for I am determined to release my heart and mind to the simple knowledge my marriage counselor once gave me with an affirmative jolt. "We go to church because it is a commandment!!!" He was in total shock at my lack of understanding and I could almost hear the end of that phrase had it come from someone less a Christian, "YOU DUMMY!"
I am still in a weekly battle with the endless excuses that pop up on Sunday morning. There are as many of them as there are for why I cannot go to the gym. This battle of wills is far more important to me because I am dealing with God's commandment to worship Him. I am in clear understanding of the endless benefits of being in a Christian family as a member of a church. And, like I said, when the cobwebs are dusted away, I do remember the joy and ease of going to church on Sunday.
I have been in the process of redefining my life since my marriage ended 6 years ago. Everything I knew has changed from my location, my belongings, my home, my state and how my family interacts with me. The one thing that has remained constant in my life of drastic changes is God's love for me and the gift of His Son who is present in my life each day. Worshipping God seems like a natural response to my deep, unending gratitude for all He has brought me through and all I have been given. Even if my current status were not one of love and comfort, I would be compelled to thank God in my darkest of nights. I have done that also and called on Him to quell my deep heartache and fears.
Life for me has been no walk down a rose covered path as my Pollyanna mind had always dreamed. But I have learned in recent re-connections with a dozen high school friends that life has been extremely painful and hard for them also. This no one who reaches the age of 63 without Rambo like survival stories to share with others. We were never told we would live in castles with all we could dream of including a love that lasted happily ever after. We are challenged to walk confidently through whatever life throws at us, swings at us or knocks us to our knees with and to get up and go worship God on Sunday for all His loving kindness and His light of guidance in our darkest nights. We are given, in return, endless blessings from smiles, handshakes, warm welcomes, beautiful music, giggles of children, wonderful messages and words from God's Holy Word that will speak to our heart. We are blessed with a sense of being part of something greater than ourselves and feeling God's love through the kindness of others.
My hair is in electric rollers. We have both had our showers. My make-up is on. My clothes are on. The dog has been fed and walked and is sleeping peacefully. There is no torrential storm outside. My husband has new clothes to choose from giving him something he will feel comfortable wearing. I am waiting for that last moment when something is going to prohibit me on my quest to do what is a simple task. Get dressed, get in the car and go to church. You know, it amazes me. We went to a movie both Friday and Saturday. We went through the same process. We got dressed, got in the car and went to the movie. Why, I ask myself, does this become impossible for us every Sunday? I do not know and I do not care. The old habit of laying around on Sunday has got to be broken. My rewards of many blessings wait for me behind those big red double doors. We are retired now from our forty plus years of working and our excuses are, as dad would say, "Weak, real, real weak!"
Life is not a path of roses and more like WIPEOUT for me but I can simply do what is commanded. Worship God on Sunday and expect amazing blessings to be mine.
I thank all of you who keep me in prayer as I learn what you all seem to figure out in diapers. Go to church, Peg.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for my counselor, Mr. Stephens. He told me years ago to just "Go to Church!" I hear his words of advice and admonition and they are my montra that keeps me focused on my goal to be an active member of a church family, again. Thank you for your endless forgiveness and patience.
In Jesus' Name,